Okay now I'm extremely close to smashing my dick with an axe handle. I've followed this tutorial to the word, failed. Retextured the model in Zmod, the model now appears textured in MooMapper, still failed. Removed any text reference to the COL file, STILL failed just at a different spot on the loading bar. Rainbow please tell me you aren't having the same trouble.
E: Just opened the .dff in Zmod2, this message appears -
E2: Started from scratch simply using a box, it works in Zmodeler and Moo Mapper AND MEd, COL file works in Coll Editor, but still the same errors occur.