GTAStunting

General => General Discussion => Expression Section => Topic started by: Eric on September 09, 2007, 04:21:35 PM

Title: Walls
Post by: Eric on September 09, 2007, 04:21:35 PM: Hiding, behind the corner
a small child awaits
clutching the paperweight
bore on his shoulders

Hollowed faith and tears
on the small note near
twisted fate and fear
1000 cold nights await him

Silent, his punishment remains
silence is his greatest sorrow
the constant state of fighting
the hope of no tomorrow

Behind the corner he still hides
hands dirty, teary eyes
when will this torment end
so he can be taint free?

Look at what you've done
imprisoned in this sea of glass
with no escape but a match
rumble with yet no sound

they say you have to believe in something
they say you should believe in yourself
bunch of fucking hypocrites
the problems are still here

Hiding behind these walls and corners
has provent itself to solve nothing
you must drop the paperweight
or tomorrow will be nothingness

alright, tell me what you think?
Title: Walls
Post by: FIGHTER on September 09, 2007, 04:22:21 PM: nothing...............

*And out of nowhere, a mysterious man on a harley davidson's flies through the window and puts a warn stamp in the forehead of the silly man.* //Marklund
Title: Walls
Post by: Eric on September 09, 2007, 05:11:39 PM: Quote from: FIGHTER
nothing...............

wow...any others?
Title: Walls
Post by: brandon6199 on September 09, 2007, 10:42:02 PM: lol @ fighter

cool poem
Title: Walls
Post by: GTA_Guy on September 09, 2007, 11:26:08 PM: Nice, you really put your own style in it
Title: Walls
Post by: Paxton on September 10, 2007, 02:37:03 AM: I read and re-read it, it sounds good. Nice words form this poem. GJ
Title: Walls
Post by: Inwa on September 10, 2007, 03:57:47 AM: I like it.
Title: Walls
Post by: Optical on September 10, 2007, 04:45:52 AM: Sounds like a song.
Title: Walls
Post by: Souzuk on September 10, 2007, 09:20:17 AM: i read it and i like it
Title: Walls
Post by: Eric on September 10, 2007, 02:02:48 PM: Quote from: Optical
Sounds like a song.

it can be, I have a melody to it almost complete, just need to figure out the key and I can put some chord progressions to it and some other stuff and it will sound cool.
Title: Walls
Post by: Sprinter on September 11, 2007, 12:06:36 AM: i think it sux sounds like your trying to be symbolic but you dont actually represent the symbols you just say something random and then something meaningfull and we are supposed to connect it?
Title: Walls
Post by: Nitro on September 11, 2007, 05:43:11 AM: Nice work Eric
Title: Walls
Post by: marklund on September 14, 2007, 03:37:58 AM: Great poem Eric, you know your stuff.
Look, Fighter has a warn stamp on his forhead! Yay!
Title: Walls
Post by: Ruchy on September 14, 2007, 05:50:42 AM: Wow , Eric , you`re really good at this stuff
Title: Walls
Post by: gunner on September 14, 2007, 08:02:45 AM: Laaame.
Title: Walls
Post by: marklund on September 14, 2007, 11:51:04 AM: Quote from: gunner
Laaame.
And another one bites the dust! Almost. Stop being lame and start being constructive, gunner.

I'll suspend the next person for 24 hours who doesn't give constructive comments if they think it's lame or similar. Poetry is a piece of art, which is meant to receive constructive comments back.
Title: Walls
Post by: Eric on September 14, 2007, 02:35:53 PM: thank you marky, you're the shit, this is mostly what comes out of my head and into to the paper, there's really nothing fixed to it, thanks guys.